well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
send nudes
from the living room?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
