xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
