im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
