Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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