from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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