the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
