hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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