hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
