Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
