Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
