I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Screwed.edu
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
