u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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