do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
