My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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