I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
