someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
