just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
