The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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