we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize