I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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