Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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