can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
