i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
