judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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