I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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