Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
