if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
