eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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