you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
