he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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