i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
