3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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