she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
