Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
