my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
