I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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