I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
