yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think my vagina is haunted
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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