Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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