I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
