what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize