and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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