I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
