It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
