Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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