Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize