Only a mothe r could love this liver
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
vagina is talking i cant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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