I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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