she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i out mim tonsoeep
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
