I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
