Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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