So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
