Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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