she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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