If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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