are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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