I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
