Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I want a musical about memes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
