How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it glows. i had to have it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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