bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
