Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
