oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize