my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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