i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
