Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
