sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Houston, we have a blender
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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