He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
