dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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