i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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