I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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