A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think people are normalizing furries
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
