I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
