Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
