ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
