I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
