You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
as a side note pls kill me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize