I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
