he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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